Blue Bear & Co.

Whether you’ve experienced the loss of a grandparent, parent, sibling, friend, child etc, your grief cannot be compared to any other. It is your own personal experience. Having myself lost a son, I know first hand how painful and destructive grief can be.

How we all cope with grief is again unique to each person….there is no rule book or timeline, you’ve simply got to ride the wave and go with the many lows that follow. That said I’d like to give a little insight into my own personal experience.

My son, Charlie was my “blue eyed boy”. He was always smiling, full of fun, love and cheekiness. I often joked that he would be the one to give me sleepless nights with his abundance of confidence, fearlessness, love for exploring and adventure. However, I could never have imagined the utter devastation that would follow after Charlie was diagnosed with an aggressive brain tumour at the age of 2yrs.

What followed was a number of extremely invasive operations and treatments, which themselves had a devastating impact on Charlie, he had to learn to walk again and talk again, he suffered left and right side weakness, ataxia which impacted his balance, coordination and grip. His vision, behaviour and cognitive reasoning were also affected.

However, none of this ever phased Charlie, he never complained and being the larger than life character he was, Charlie never ever gave up and fought right to the very end. Sadly, Charlie lost his battle and passed away aged just 5yrs old.

Throughout Charlie’s battle he showed nothing but strength and determination. He continued to smile and his infectious character won the hearts of many. However, it was Charlie’s blue bear which never left his side and to this day is still a huge part of our family, charity and community.

Why am I telling you all this?

Firstly, I’d be lying if i said there haven’t been times when I’ve wanted to give up, find ways to self medicate, bury myself deep in my bed and never get up. Luckily for me I have been surrounded by my boys and now my baby girl, my loving supportive husband, amazing friends, family and community.

They have all played their part in picking me up and helping to rebuild me when i have felt broken. Most of all, I wanted to choose to live in Charlie’s memory, I wanted to try and to do something positive.

Initially I painted my entire house, much to my husbands panic! I started cleaning for friends, dog walking and worked in a local cheese factory. Then my husband and I set up a charity to support other families enduring the same harrowing diagnosis. Eventually, I returned to work as a therapist, working with young people.

Something which did take me by surprise was a gift which Charlie gave me, he’d unearthed a creative side in me which I’d always insisted i did not have. It began with poems, then a friend @laurawilliams encouraged me to attend some painting sessions with the very talented @julierainford, I decided to teach myself to play the piano etc.

On the second anniversary of Charlie’s death I desperately wanted to find a unique way of marking it. Knowing how special Charlie’s blue bear had been to him, I decided to visit a well known bear store to customise a teddy with Charlie’s voice and a scent, although it wasn’t everything i’d hoped for, the connection I had with it and the comfort it gave me was instant. It was priceless.

It was in this moment I decided, this was something I could do…design a unique teddy, one which could be personalised in the comfort of your own home, one thats luxurious and lovingly packaged. Although this journey was born out of my own personal grief, I didn’t want my bears to be just for bereaved families. I want them to be for anyone and everyone. For any occasion or no occasion…unique and beautiful keepsake “bears for life”.

Having never sewn before, I swiftly headed to a fabric store and stocked up on a variety of materials. During this visit I bumped into Gemma Kelsall Bluebells & Daisies and shared my vision, she gave me all the encouragement I needed.

My husband looked on at me whilst I frantically began cutting fabric and sewing my new creation. Looking back, i don’t think he knew whether or not to laugh or cry…
“was i on the brink of another breakdown?”,
“had i finally lost the plot”.

I was proud of my first attempt and began trying to pursue this new dream, it’s taken almost 2 years to get to this point and lots has happened in between, but i’m exceptionally proud of what I’ve achieved. Although once again none of this would have been possible without the unconditional love and support of my husband, family, friends and community.

I have lots of plans for “Blue Bear & Co.”, a beautiful story written by me and illustrated by the fabulous Lori S Creatives being published later this year, new collaborations on the horizon and new additions to the Blue Bear & Co. family. I truly hope you’ll all love them as much as me and continue to follow me on this new journey.

Thank you Charlie, thank you Blue Bear, you have been my motivation and my inspiration.

The message I also want to convey is that as a woman I’ve realised I can achieve anything. It is better to have tried and failed than to have never tried at all. The only thing which actually holds us back in life is ourselves. Go and be the best version of yourself xxx

#braintumourawarenessmonth
#internationalwomensday
#thankyoucharlie
#thankyoubluebear